.:a sUdDeN sLiP:.

muahahzahahahhahahah..aku dah cuak..cuak..cuak..

sabar2 …yakin dengan bantuan Allah SWT

last time it’s chadz’s

now it’s my turn..with the exam just around the corner, undeniably my whole body metabolism is changing as well..

I couldnt remember the last time I had a proper meal (all along, my meal usually consists of the very popular "megi Rolton" and one of those "claimed-to-be-100%-fresh-fruit-juice"..)

I guess my Epinephrine (aka Adrenaline) serum level had just elevated 20x more than the reference range..that is..it bind to the alpha and beta receptor, activating both the cAMP system and PIP2 system of hormone receptor, activating the glycogenolysis, enhance the mobility of Fatty acids into tissue, elevating the blood glucose level up to 4x the usual range, and ultimately produce more ATP for me to continue my study..

ok, put out the mumbo-jumbo…it means my body SHOULD produce more than adequate energy to help me prolong my study…

but then, there’s the physiological factor (what Pavlov called as external inhibition - physiology)..while all the time my body keep producing ATP, my mind keep telling me TAKE A BREAK!! and the overall net reaction shows us that "an understandable phenomena such as watching DVD is more favorable to human rather than the hocus-pocus of biochemistry"

well, there’s the picture of "my" desk (let me emphasize the word "my"..cause in here, usually up to 3 person have to share one desk, but fortunately all my roommte had finished their exam much earlier, and now it’s all mine…all mine..MUAHAHAHHAAHAHA!!!!)

and here is the wall next to my bed..(no, I dont want to emphasize "my" here..because we dont share a bed…really)..see all the notes?well, I’m not actually reading it..it just something to make myself feel good, cause when I’m gonna fail my biochemistry exam, I’ll lay on my bed, next to the paste-it-urself note, and said to myself "SEEMS I HAD DONE MY BEST"…isn’t it good to finally hear someone say that to u, let it even be u’rself

ok, seems that I had mengarut long enough..now the "psychomotor activator (a.k.a motivation)" had just called me back to the desk…

GANBATEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

p/s:guys…1)doakan aku….2)sorry, my english sucks..<<and it becoming "sucker"-this is one of the proofs->>..I want to blame it to the anti-english environment…but I didn;t have any remarkable progress in Russian either…I suppose it just the fact that I’ll never be able to learn language and to master it..just "dostotachna <<enough>> for the other party to understand what I’m trying to say..btw,that’s what language is for, right???…..do u think sign language have such grammar like english or russian? I wonder how they distinguish present continuous tenses or it’s russian counterpart, nesavirsshennava vida’

10 reasons I hate about one of my "friend"-I hope he read this..

1. He’s a pain in the ass
2. He only called me when he need something
3. He only meet me when he need helps ’bout computer n stuff
4. He asked me out when he could find nobody else
5. He didn’t believe I bought the cake for our friend’s birthday
6. He eagerly meet me when he’s facing a problem (last time), but when it’s my turn, he backed off.
7. The only sms he would send me saying how he had passed the biochemistry class.
8. He borrowed all my notes, and whenever someone else need ‘em,I had to say no to give him the priority..when it comes to my turn, he simply took back all his notes to, saying that "my friends need it"…Hello????Who am I??Am I not his friend too? This really pissed me off
9. He never felt sorry for me
10.He’s an asshole!!!

the list will goes on and on..I just dont want to keep all of u tired of reading these..

p/s: my advice, when u meet someone like this, just throw him away from u’r life before he sucked all u’r time n energy

it’s 3:23 am

and still I can’t fall asleep..
all my roommates had driven into their deep dreams..one even laughed in the middle of his sleep
but I still awake..everytime I close my eyes..so many things in my mind begin to be picturized…that I felt so horrible about it I had to open my eyes and constantly stare at the ceiling

I look up at the pile of papers next to me..in another two days,I’ll be facing my biochemistry examination..the objective part with 509 questions in the list..sucks!!! i’ve been bugging my head into it for almost three days, and still I only managed to read until the 3ooth question (overall there are 590 questions)

was it ever the right decision that I choose to be a doctor?
did I choose it for myself, or simply to make everyone else happy?
these are the typical questions I heard from new med-students…well, u know the pressure during the first few terms..it’s so stressfull u think u rather doing laundry for all your life instead of becoming this one…(why I use "laundry"??? cause I hate doing laundry..and still..I need to do it)

ok..this is too dramatical..I even hate myself for typing this one..but I dont know where else I could speak my heart out loud

I looked back to the past few years in my life..and suddenly I miss everything back

I miss the companionship of my school friends..the good ol’ days..that doesnt mean I dont have friends here…but here people are too busy to do the friends-stuff things…I dont know what else we’re doing rather than studying…ok, of course sometimes we did hang out..but it felt soo "fake"..like "we had to do it if we want other people to see us as human"

to some extent I think Karl Marx was correct when he said.."the estrangement by society would lead the individual to lose his essence..that is ..his personality"
perhaps because now everyone keep racing in their life..they always want to be better from others…and it saddens me to see it manifestated even during our course of study…I mean, what’s with the people who could not spent even 5 minutes to help their fellow coursemate in solving some stuff they can;t understand..

ok..I had dragged this bullshit too long…still there’s a lot in my mind

(dear readers…feel free to leave this blog cause I warned u..u’r really going to spend u’r time uselessly..nowadays, who would spent the precious 5 minutes to listen to others bullshits??? –p/s:I do..)

those who had watched the movie "angels in America"..and if U could recognise the character Joe..I would want to say that somehow the character reflected some part of me
to some extent, I was (and maybe still am) in that situation..u know..when u feel trapped between doing what u want to do….and to live up to others expectations..
He is a good guy..he lives a good life..he close to God…he married..he is hardworking..
but he did it all just to ignore some part of himself, which he knew, if it will ever be revealed….that will be the end

for so long had society being so prejudice to his inner side…that he afraid to live the life he wish..and he sacrifice all his wishes just to live up the expectation of the surrounding society (which rarely even care for his existence)

one day he gathered up all his strength, and then walked out the closet…and just like he expected…he’s finished..his wife gone..his mother hated him..and he got to know that his father never even loved him

for all the time society had abandoned him…
and for all the destruction upon him caused by this abandonment…
and in the end ..the society offered him what??? death….
we should sue the bastard..

I felt sorry for him..and even more for people around him who could not understand ..even with the precious gift God ever made for human..the mind..

I miss the time when people would stop to listen..and when they offer a hug to comfort..when they have time to share u’r sorrow..and when they dont expect anything from u..
but now I feel like I want to laugh at myself…cause I;m missing for something that would not exist…and perhaps..it never did..

p/s: "I’m not in any way in the same role of the character Joe…I just in the same situation as him when I had to decide between what I really want..and what the society want"

Angels in America

Have any1 watch this movie yet?

the award winning movie about society prejudices upon those who infected by AIDS..a must-see..I personally recommended it

p/s:it have 6 hours screenplay..eventually u’r mind will be tired.tips:watch a chapter a day…another chapter the next day..that way it will give u some space to think, analyze..and before u knew it..u wait for the next chapter anxiously!!!

ok..where else in the world..that a med student got a chance to bump onto cinema in between two classes???? yeah!!! that’s right…it’s here..the blessed lan of volgograd..

well, lecturer physio kata nak wat test..konon jer la..briefly speaking, it took less than ..what..30 minutes? so, we got 3 hours of "free time" (which is actually not..a medical student is prohibited from having any free time -quoted from Rogov Aleksendrevich)…some of my groupmate suggest we start our Russian class earlier…but languange sucks!!!! so I took the liberty, and "ordered" <this is influence from the post-soviet era> all my groupmate to join me to the movie…ahh…it;s great to imitate Stalin sometimes

we watch "Madagascar"…comment:…hmmm…ok la..