.:a sUdDeN sLiP:.

New comforter n bedsheet huhu..same eternal theme : BLUE…

Baru beli kat Kim (kat Bazzar jer)..kos..1000 rub Comforter baru, cadar baru, dua sarung bantal

Comforter dalam tu rupanya sangat budak (comel ada gambar ikan2) mula2 x nak beli sebab segan, tapi makcik tu turunkan harga pastu dia kata "alah..kan ada sarung.." (of course dalam Russian)..betul gak..

Sarung bantal tu besar tul..dalam tu boleh sumbat dua bantal…hmm..lebih empuk dan menyelerakan..

mesti best tido pasni..takla aku terkelip2 dalam gelap pukul 3.30 pagi lagi..

good night!! sweet dream !!!

Paintball kat sentrallnii’ stadion..Kitorang menang 2-1..huhuhuhuhu
Berdiri dari kiri : Poh,Sua,Bunger,Firdauz,Mus,Kok Tong
Duduk dari kiri: Aku, Hafiz,zack,Hisyam,Hanif,Erik
3 yg posing kat depan: Azhar, Sany, Syafiq
Takde dalam gambar : Wai Lap

p/s: gambar dalam ni tak penuh..kene klik dulu,baru pakhazat vse:)

Apakah seorang pelajar medic yg duduk di Volgograd akan buat pada hari sabtu yg sepoi-sepoi sejuk apabila diberi cuti bersempena hari buruh…

Yup…paintball

Pagi-pagi lagi (sebelum mimpi sempat habis) Syafiq dah kejut .."Helmi2 bangun!! main paintball!! Sua dah tunggu.."
dengan berat mata, aku pun menuju ke bilik mandi dan menghabiskan masa "berseronok" (syok woo mandi air panas pagi2) selama 15 minit sebelum pintu bilik air diketuk .."woi!! nak main paintball ke nak bersiram??!!"

Tepat 10 pagi, kitorang pun masuk mendaftar ..huhhu..sian budak msia..badan kecik2 ..baju sumer besar <seb baik aku tak kecik >
Dua pasukan dibahagi : baju coklat tu group aku..baju okhrana tu (macam baju jaga) group "diorang"..Sany group berkecuali kot..kaler baju x sama

Main 3 round (abis gak la dalam 350rub/person)..huhuu..dengan tektik "menyorok di dalam khemah",kitorang berjaya menumpaskan pasukan lawan dengan kemenangan 2-1 .Cenderamata berbentuk lebam2 di tangan dan punggung turut dibawa pulang hasil tembakan2 maut pihak lawan

Main 2 jam jer. tapi letih maut..mana taknya, pagi tak sarapan tak minum, terus tergolek2 atas tanah main tembak2 - agaknya camne la tentera Islam perang masa bulan posa dulu ek…

best betul!! kawan2! kalo nak pegi main lagi ajak aku tau…

bila kan ku bisa tidur kembali ni?
dan fajar pun menyinsing…..

kerna saat ini
aku cuma senyawa fajar..

3.19 a.m.

Insomnia : A sleeping disorder that is known for its symptoms of unrest and the inability to sleep

Waiting : The act of staying or remaining in expectation.

Betul ke definisi ayat di atas? quoted from Wikitionary..

kata orang..setiap perkataan ada maksud tersendiri bagi setiap individu. Mestila betul..perkataan "kerja rumah" bagi seorang ibu dan seorang pelajar ada maksud yg berbeza

dan masuk malam ni..dah 2 bulan berturut2 epsiod insomnia aku datang menimpa best kengkadang best kalo bleh guna masa tu utk studi..tapi tak best kalo sok kelas kul 8, atau bila sok ada ruski..ngantuk babi la…….

maka,aku pun mula la buat mende bukan2 kalo tak tido.Contohnya mengambil gambar bulan di atas…apa la..semayang kan lagi bagus…..

kenapa aku tak bleh tidur?
adakah sebab allergic?  huhuhu..baru2 ni setiap kali aku bangun tidur mesti aku dapat serangan akut pernafasan yang teruk..tak alih2 jer..kalo allergic tido mati la aku..

tapi rasanya, aku tak dapat tido ni sebab aku masih menunggu.Tak tau pun apa yang aku tunggu.Tapi agaknya aku takut kalo aku tertidur aku tak terjumpa mende yg aku tunggu tu..apa aku tunggu ni? lailatul qadar bulan ramadhan la………..

hamba-Mu ini menunggu kasih-Mu ya Tuhan…isilah kosongnya jiwa ini dengan bisikan kalimah suci-Mu, peluklah daku dalam dakapan kasih-sayang-Mu…bawaku pergi dari sunyinya dunia..amin

Sekadar gambar hiasan (tidak ada kene mengena dengan mana2 mama di hostel)

OK, my bad..today, for the hundreth of times, I woke up early, with the all-new-vision that today, I’d be stepping into the lecture hall

at 11.30 a.m., after I finished doing all my morning routines (which includes day-dreaming, mamai, gosok gigi, mamai, masuk toilet, mamai, mandi, mamai….u dont want to know the rest)I sat on my freshly-made bed..glancing around the room..uh uh.."azad x gi kelas ruski lagi"..hmm..I guess the alasan would be "semalam aku tido kul 1 la"…1a.m?  That’s my early-to-bed time!!
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ok whutever, I then scroll thru my handphone images, and found this one.I took this one inside the masyrutka,..well, obviously,it shows two hands clapsing.Not that I want to enumerat which muscle flexing and which extensing during the act of clapsing , rather I’d like to talk about the hidden meaning of clapsing other’s hand, at least for myself..

For me, it’s a big step…I only hold those hand whom I believe (Until now, I only have 5 hands in my list!!)..I mean, giving our hand to them is like, giving them the permission to lead our way..and I grant those permission only to those I believe…And while most of the time someone would like to "hold my hand" (metaphorically), I eventually resent them..

so, one day my friend (who just being resented asked why am I so "hand-o-phobic"?

Well,guess that’s who I am..I like to be close to people, but once when we get too close to ‘em, they found out way to manipulate us,they found out that by holding our hand,its easy to drag us around..and believe me, I had enough of that (even last week, someone attempt that to me,again)

I could say that I learnt my lesson, and since then, I always watch out for "those hands" which try to hold my hand, not to share the same path I walked on, instead to drag me for their own benefits..(and here’s a word for those people, the only part of my hand u will see, is my middle finger pointing upward)

However, in the middle of this hand-o-phobic, I still search for those hand(s) whom I could hold for the rest of my life….

p/s: "hand" in this blog is metaphoric and a stub. It does not, in any way, exclude those who is handicap. Go figure out what is a "hand"….

My new and improved (and more decent) workstation!!

My new bedside!!

Around the europe in 6 years!! (Uh berlin n prague baru tampal tiket..sbb belum pegi lagi..tunggu bulan 6 nnti)

My best friend pics.sum1 I can call whenever I feel bad..hehe

It was sunday,7.00 a.m. 8/4/2006..Dunno why but I couldnt sleep past 8 a.m. after the subuh prayer (that is sooooo not me!!) I woke up..had a quick shower (15 minutes) and while waiting for the usrah at 10 a.m…I made up my bed, rearrange  the room (this room can really use that even once a week) and tara!!! my dazzling room with 2 of my roomates still sleeping, undisturbly although I close and open the door thousands of times..

And..still not feeling exhausted, I’m sitting on my bed..facing my workstation.After 30 secs of doing nothing, I start messing around my old stuff, and found some of my pics during my travel to France..and a world map..bling!!! the idea came thru..and for the next several hours, I gathered all my pics and started messing them around my bed, put them up on my wall…and create the hand-made label using left-over papers from Azzad’s photostat machines.

Thats about the process…the result? well u can see from the pics above

Now, discussion of the result (cam wat skema pathphysio la pulak)

Well, the 1st n 2nd picture..described my present state..as according to yat..is having the SYMPTOM OF SE (SELF-Entertaining)..sort of, orang bosan yg tak tau nak wat pe..and then they end up doing useless thing (hey!! this is constructive, ok??)Well, 80% he is correct, but the other 20% , I just think its nice to have pics on my bedside wall..so whenever I woke up during the night (as always I did) I dont have to glance upon the MU flag with the red-devil, instead to the pics of my beloved friends and the nice time we had in Spain n France n my mom and sis up there on my head…

as for the self-entertaining thing..well, sometimes I need that , especially when no one would entertain u, and when there’s no one around to be entertained..I call it "the time for myself"

now the 3rd pics..well,while most of you saw it not more than the usual travel-around-europe pics..for me it have a lot more profound meaning..It talks about dreams, hope, faith and friendship..dreams coz I always dream to travel (well, my family doesnt travel a lot, we never had an all-family vacation until now, the last holiday I had was when I’m still in primary school, and without the presence of my bro).I never even put my foot in Pahang, Terengganu, S’pore n Thai!!.so, I start hoping that I could travel to all the place, get to know more people. and before I died, I would see the other side of the world,esp those unknown to me (during this age, I dont even know the USSR existed, and of course Soviet union isnt in my wish list

Then I started reading a book, yes that one u heard during the tazkirah..about the power of mind..I practiced it a long time ago…I put all my faith that one day, God-permissing I would be able to travel out..I bought postcard, surf internet about this places..and when my friend set his foot in France, I know the travel would not only be my hope, but one that would strengthen our friendship as well..Each day, the thought of travelling get accross my mind for some seconds (was this is what they called as "doa lintasan hati"?)…and as sincere as it could be, I wish I can set my foot in France just to see my friend…and eventually, it happened…it really happened !!!! All the 4 things I wish for, all happened in one and the same time..It likes hari raya + all the celebration in the world + family + friends around!!!!

bout the 4th pic…well to those still in the dark, this is my eternal-best friend…His full name "Mohd Zambrie bin MAt Akhir"..I called him zambrie/zam..u can call him zambrie too…his mother called him "Am"…his ayang called him "sayang" kot…his other friends called him with various name…but he called himself "Bin"…his friendster? "Karim"..dunno where that one came from..Well, until how he’s one of my few friends in our sorority group that I still keep in touch with…he’s kind enough to be a good-listener, but aggressive enough to show u the way out of u’r hellish problems…all over all, he’s kinda guy girls would wish for..the only thing girls, he’s already owned..and u had to cross over his girl’s dead body before even thinking of sending random sms to him…I mean. c’mon…his girl would just be too stupid to disowned him (aiseh, sori Zam,..terlebih sgt tak ni..chill ar..MM kan

He’s the one I can call whenever I feel bad..and when I say whenever..I meant it literally..when u cant reach him, u can leave a voice msg, and he’d leave u a voice msg too..uh, IM isnt his thing..except with that "special someone" in Msia..eheheh..but overall, I felt really good just to know he’s alive somewhere in France, leading a good life, and once in a while will drop me an email simply to say hi..

hmm..people say "pictures worth a thousand word"…now, start counting my pics, and times it with thousand…yup..thats how much I want to write here..the only thing is, I ran out of time :)…

p/s: glad that I could share this with all of u..and uh, yup, this blog is kinda self-entertaining too

This is a plantography of my foot. It indicates that I had a flat-foot deformity of the 2nd degree.

Errm…well, the above picture and quotes pretty much said it all. I was "experimented" during the hygiene class. And thus, again, for the hundreth of times, I was told I’m not "normal"

And as for my abnormality, it went a long way with that..

This foot had taken me far..as far as I remember, both metrically (where it is measured by meters) and socio-psychologically (where no metric unit exist).

and sometimes I’d hit the wrong and hard way…where the journey was hurtful..and you fall again and again. The only thing that get us going right then, was that there’s always someone who walk together with us in that journey. The fact that we never alone, that somebody will pull us (or push as it’s easier to be done with a 150kg person) is the one that fill me up with a glucose-like-substance, keep me moving forward instead of surrender.

Especially when you got such foot deformities, you knew you can never walk or stand far. You know that you always need someone by your side to help you stand and walk. You accept, that its the fact of the world,that you need his mercy.

maybe that’s why God made good friends..so abnormal people like me can walk like other people..

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eventually,this foot can also walk through that way, the way which is hurtful not only to you, but also to people around you. U know, that kind of path where not only you will fall, but also people next to you…and I might not realise that..because I might feel it is kind of normal you know.Because I had fall and fall again, I get used to the hurt..and when people around me get hurt as well, I could never understand what so painful about it.I thought they already numbed like me..

and of course, I’m pretty much wrong from the start. People are different. While people like me got over the hypersensitivity reaction (where my coagulating factor seem increase to block any hemorrhage) other people are still….normal. They can get hurt. They feel pain. And they, can get angry..

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when I had to choose either to walk alone with this bad foot, or to always hail for someone’s help..definitely, I’d choose the 2nd option…

so, I hope this foot can walk me to the pathway of "apology and forgiveness". Eventually I realised that I had travelled the wrong way , eventhough it is near. I mean, a bad road can always be just downstairs. I hope this foot will just stick to my room, or at least around here..not more than that. I hope this foot can keep a distance away from hurting other people..

and I hope this foot can again walk alongside with other feets out there….I never dare to walk alone..

so forgive me will ya’? the foot never meant to walk that way….

thanks..