The art of “not knowing”
Its hard to be told, but the truth is, we doctor almost never have the complete knowledge of what we are babbling about. Sure, the "Disseminated Intravascular Coagulation Syndrome" sounds cool to a highschool graduates, but in the end, we never solve the whole picture of the disease.
But as doctors, we are trained to be well-functioned and full of confidence under the "not-knowing" situation. Some people apply this only to the medical practice. I, in the meantime, apply this to almost my whole sphere of life. (i.e I might go into the toilet, staying there for up to 10 minutes, in case "I might want to answer the call of nature")
Sadly enough, it strucked me that recently I prefer to "not-know" about something than to discover it,and in the end, hurt myself. OK, lets cut it short, I’m afraid to make a mistake. So, I keep on where I stand silently, motionlessly, watching everything else pass by, in hope that I might catch a glimpse of guidance from ‘em, so I can pass thru life without making a mistake. Unthinkable, I agree.
At first it kinda cool, until I realised, I moved too slow. I prefer waiting, and though it is harmless, it is nevertheless, unproductive. I sort of hoping to change, but again, I wait till I’m ready to change.Damn, here goes the cycle again.
The early bird catches the worm, a stitch in time saves nine. He who
hesitates is lost. We can’t pretend we haven’t been told. We’ve all
heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents
warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to ‘seize
the day’. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make
our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep
today’s possibility under tomorrow’s rug until we can’t anymore, until
we finally understand for ourselves like Benjamin Franklin meant. That
knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping.
And that even the biggest failure, even the worst most intractable
mistake beats the hell out of never trying….
During the Operative Surgery Day…Still during this time I’m too afraid of cutting the artery,it took me nearly 15 minutes to cut through the less than 5mm thick fascia.
June 3rd, 2006 at 6:12 am
it isn’t guilt to pretend,i am sure doctors now in many situations have to pretend to give confidence,this makes things work,but in real life,pretending is also a great suffer,we blame ourselve for not knowing,right?