.:a sUdDeN sLiP:.

The sun was just declining to the east, when we heard the news that he had passed away. I look around for reactions.
startled..
confiusion..
denial…
ignorance…
symphatize…
emphatize…
regrets….

I, on the other hand, had a  mixed reaction. But I strongly remembered the feeling of uneasiness and denial. Hoping that its a misinformation, we waited for further news. And still, it made the news clearer..
He’d gone…
And I..startled…

Whoever said that becoming a doctor u’d be facing enough death to avoid the post-traumatic phase, let me tell you, you’re totally wrong. If u think that by becoming a doctor, u’d be having enough experiences of death, well, think again.It will not make u less susceptible for having a kinda emotional stage upon receiving a death news.

And for the whole night, I couldnt concentrate on my study. Exam is coming, but I hate myself whenever I thought about exam. HELLO!!! there’s a guy dead, and it’s one of us here, and all I could think is exam??? boo to me..
Then there’s some guy gathering up donations around. And in those less-than-hour interval, people remembered about him. What made it so cliche’ is that, soon, people are gathering around, facing the television for the long-awaited BRAZIL-CROATIA football match. And they shout, and they cheer..and they..so on..shame on us all…

Some people said, he’d passed away, ok, we sympathize, but life must goes on…

Ok, I’m agreed with that. But c’mon guys!!! He lived for more than 20 years. He’s been around us more than 3 years. During that time, he exist..his words, his laugh,his joke, his personality is still in the air..It’s not like he left us ten years ago…he left us less than 48 hours..
and when he left, we only thought about him for merely an hour….and then..life goes on..
see? an hour…that is totally unacceptable for me..

within the crowd, I tried to find a face of sadness, regret, miss, or any emotion at all.But nada, all I could see is excitement around the football match..

Oh, well maybe some of you will ask, why does it become a huge load for me. Its not like I was close with this guy?
Ironically, that is exactly the reason.
I felt guilty for not even trying to know him a lil’ bit closer than how much I knew him now.
Of course I knew him. We met. We said hi. We shake hands. We smiled to each other. We talked. We laugh…but in the midst of all these, I knew somehow I could do more….he even live in the same town as me in Malaysia, but that lays to me as merely a fact. A fact that I never consider as a factor to get to know him better..
And to hell if I said that I’m too busy … that’s bullshit…life’s too short for us to get busy…
life’s too short for us to become ignorance…
life’s too short for us to give 10001 reasons of why we didnt knew someone better…

Ok, and some people said, maybe not all people have a deep feeling like me..or that I’m a melancholic person, or ..whutever…

to these people, I’d just wanna throw u one question…

One day, when it is your turn, how would u like to see everybody going around,minding their own "so-important" business, as if like u never even existed before??

when u passed away…do u want people to remember u for only 15 minutes??????

p/s: sorry, this post never meant to hurt anyone’s feeling. I knew different people have different way to react. And i didnt even sure if it come up due to the examination-stress. But one thing I’m sure, I dont want to die like a nobody…

This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 13th, 2006 at 4:57 pm and is filed under the angel's mindspeak. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.