.:a sUdDeN sLiP:.

A professional is required to possess a large knowledge
derived from extensive academic and practical training. Professions are
self-regulating (this sound merely like you, since your signs of interdependency to what other might think is obviously lacking), in that they control the training and evaluation
processes that admit new persons to the field.

Professionals have
autonomy in the workplace; they are expected to utilize their
independent judgment in carrying out their professional
responsibilities(which I doubt you utilized it well). So as to said that,professions are regulated by ethical
standards.. (hell, yeah!! where is your ethical standards??)

Typically a professional provides a service in exchange for payment
(a payment can be in form with others than money..so stop shaking your head for this accusation..since while you’re not taking any money, obviously there’s a form of payment you’ve been seeking…"attention" maybe??)in accordance with established protocols for licensing, ethics,
procedures, standards of service and training/certification. However,
at all times a professional is cognizant that their first and foremost
responsibility is to the public welfare. (duh..dont even let me start…)

The term "professional" is commonly used incorrectly. Typically, behaving professionally
would indicate that the person’s actions remain in accordance with
specific rules, written or unwritten, pertaining to behavior, dress,
speech, etc. (unfortunately, you are not…)

pff…am I pissed..I can elaborate for another half an hour..but I guess I’d found it self-loathing someday then…so as long as you can get my point,,.there’s still a way to recuperate all this and mend it…but only if you willing to do so…

and BUAT BODOH is not working,…so stop acting and behaving innocently when at times you need to admit your mistake and apologize for it, since that is a form of professionalism too…

p/s : the author would like to note reader’s attention that this post had been put under "my mindspeak"…so I am free to think about this stuff.and my personal opinion might not reflect all people opinion, but as to say that ..it is INDEED reflecting the opinion of some of us here…

As a surgeon, we make time roles..In an operating room, a good surgeon makes time fly..1 hour felt like a minute..
Outside the OR, time take a pleasant role in kicking our ass…

And so it does while Im trying to cope myself over the death of my 2nd surgical "subject(???)"- Mrs McCat 2.

Though I cant give my last pay of respect, since I didnt know where they dumped your body, nevertheless I want to apologize for all the shortcomings, though I assure you I had gave my very best effort in stitching your intestine (note that at the moment, we havent practicall class discussing about intestine stitch, and I’m not very sure now if I did it all by the book  then)

Mrs McCat, aged 10, was announced dead 2 hours after the enterotomy surgery due to complications of Peritoneitis. The surgeon in charge was Dr angelus, while his surgical team consists of 1 other surgeon, 5 assistant, and 1 nurse.

After the laparotomy and viscera reviewing, the enterotomy procedure was done, and after our resident showed us (once) on how to make the intestinal stitch, she put the life of Mrs McCat in my hand, while all the time noting to me that a single mistake in putting up the stitches would result in permeability of the intestine, thus causing peritoneitis…

Operation went successfully, (or so we thought), but due to the lack of post-operative care in promptu, Mrs McCat was announced dead 2 days after the operation.

Uh, Mrs McCat , I had no regret over it, since I knew I had done my very best, but everytime I saw that packet of Whiskers I bought for u (but havent the time to feed it for u) I couldnt feel less guilty about it

and so, I paid my final respect to you by thanking you for allowing me to make a mistake, and learnt from it..

p/s: I’m sorry I dont have the heart to upload the pics of our operation day.
p/p/s: Our resident told us "a dead cat shouldnt be the turning point in your life "
p/p/p/s : Im actually a felixophobic.

4.17 am ..and I am blogging here..cant close my eyes, and I really tried actually. I’ve been tossing right and left on my bed since 1 a.m.

This is when I consult my best friend "Mr Not-a-book"..he’ll keep me accompanied for the long insomniac night..a reliable friend indeed..

In these recent few weeks, I never failed to notice that I’ve actually made a fool out of myself more than a few times. There’s time when I hand out 5kopecks coins, assuming it as a Ruble (they look confiously alike !!! at least to myopic eyes)..then there’s time when I travel on a wrong bus, and even study for the wrong topic fornext day classes:) bak kata Yat…"hang ni laklok la"

However, nothing can challenge the foolishness of me asking an insanely-stupid question to someone last night. And to someone important for that matters. The very person I look up onto, and yet, I made an ugly picture of myself…What was I thinking?

well, obviously I didnt…

Today, while I was probing here and there within my PDA, I was surprised myself to see the full list of UNDONE thingy in my TO-DO-LIST…Some are due ages ago, and some are written repeatedly as if its a new task to be done.
Once a good friend of mine told me that I might suffer from a short-term memory lost. I didnt believe him back them and thought its simply as a punching line.
Today, I really reconsider the statement

I managed to only list down some of them, since the listing-it-down-on-my-blog is not in my To-Do list

1. Need to get a proper present for Haneep 21st birthday (due 1 month ago)
2. Buy an IDD card and call Zam
3. Call home?? (last time was 2 months ago-but I do send sms daily)
4. Need to get the Full GA OST from Haneem (Now her hard disk had already crashed)
5. Pay the internet bills (due 1st December !! - late almost 15 days.the company gonna kill me)
6.Update the IP no listing (no co-op from my fellow internet user..so Im waiting)
7.Tracking down those user who still didnt pay the monthly fees and practically in debt with me collectively almost 13000 rub
8. Change my bed sheet ? (last was 1 month ago)
9. Burn all my series into DVD so that I can free up space in my Hdisk
10. Rearrange my wardrobe
11. Finished up all my unfinished notes
12. Start studying for Ophthalmology (shud start weeks ago)
13. Get a present for my sister for her upcoming birthday (18th Dec)
14. Get a present for my friends (23rd,26th,27th Dec)
15. Change my tablecloth
16. Need to get a new one before that
17. Repair laptop Mama!!
19. Go Virus-Buster to clear up the network congestive circulation
20. Buy another packet of Diabetic reversed-sugar
21. Repair the winter coat my mom bought for me from Mecca
22. Took out my other wintercoat and send them for Dry cleaning
23. Stuffing my freezer with fruits and vegies (half done!!!)
24. Start working up (this was really really old task)
25. Decide on something important

ugh…and I found it self-loathing to review the list and found out that all of these task sounds so domestic.

p/s: wish I could be more "multi-tasking capable"

It has been some time since I put on new post..way too long..even before haneem set up her AWOLing status…

Thing is..I have a lot of time..way too much, just that I dont spend it wisely. No, I dont sleep on that much, on the contrary, I sleep around 3-4a.m, but while not doing anything constructively, I mainly spent it on staring on the blank ceiling, or to my laptop screen..

To those watching Grey’s u know how different people react to stress in different ways. Dr Yang went jog, Izzie bakes muffins (and a lot of them), Addison went for a drink, Dr Burke went camping, Maradeth got herself a dog, while George, he turned to be someone else. And there’s Resse in Malcolm in the Middle, who face the stressful situation by switching his brain off. And there’s this one character in Chinese movie who face her stress by cleaning up toilet until it shines..

The point is…people tend to be reserved when facing stressful situations. Apart from the increasing "stress hormone" , we try so hard not to express it in front of others. We find different ways (and it can be ugly sometimes) just to direct our mind off. Sometimes it can be ususal thing, mostly it is usual to others, but not to us. In Malay, you call it "buang tebiat" . I mean, someone who rarely even whistle, one day he ends up picking the microphone and karaoeking the whole night, that should indicate something wrong..

Which goes to my next point..so, why do people act out of their habitual boundary when they face stressful situations? some might said they want to direct their energy to something constructive, but hey, some people tend to doze off for hours when they are sad, some people even consume a large packet of M&M’s just to numb their pain..

For all my experience worth, I found out that mostly, people do so as a way to attract attention from others, but in an indirect way. They missed that someone would lean beside them, and asked whats wrong. They missed the pat in the shoulder, and the whisper saying thats everything gonna be ok. They missed that pair of ears and eyes which listen and glare without judgement.

So why cant all these people just go to someone, and said "I have a problem, and I’d like you to listen" . Wont happen..in our orthodoxical point of view, it represent weakness and lack of strength to be beaten down by problem. It indicate that we are fragile to be open, and the most harsh word can be labelled down to this people as "loser"…I know some of you will react to this statement by saying "no…we’re always hear to listen"…but back off!!!I lived too many years to see that the truth is always paradoxical…

And so, while we’re not screaming out loud, we are actually scream for help from within. or maybe not for help…maybe we scream just for someone to be there….

p/s: I cook when I’m in bad mood, and I started to dance when im in a very very bad mood…and when it getting worse, I’m just gonna be….normal