.:a sUdDeN sLiP:.

The last time I got scolded by someone because I apologized too much, is by my friend at Ramstor, exactly the previous 7 days from today.

"Ok, stop saying sorry..it’s not even your fault" , she said, when I appologized for the fact that our movies-n-popcorn thingy didnt went as we planned.

OK, lame post-starters I think. But what I want to emphasize here..is THAT IS ME.
I’m an apologizer, and felt strongly supportive towards forgiveness and apology. Isnt it what the world peace is all about?

Back then, when I was in secondary school, I used to say sorry too many times, Both for my mistakes n for other people’s mistakes.
"I’m sorry I forgot to return your notes"
"I’m sorry you felt that way about me (when someone told me that I talked too much). I’ll suit better next time"
I even apologize for something that isnt under my control
"I’m sorry our date was ruined because of the rain"

I lost count on how many people had told me , that asking forgiveness one too many times eventually will lead to degrading self-respect. Some people will take it as cool as I took it. But others tend to use that opportunity to "PIJAK MY KEPALA"

I crudely divided (but not always) people I know into two types :

Helmi’s classification on people according to their response onto my request for an apology:
1. The one that accept it with open heart, ask for an apology also, and tend to forget the dark past between us
example:
"Helmi, I couldnt ignore the fact that what happened between us is partly my fault. I have to admit it, and for that reason, I’m sorry too. Let put what past as a past, k?"

2. The one that respond in too-egoistic tone and cold reply
example (byk nih)
"Hmm…tak taula nak cakap apa.."(WTF????)
"Hmm..tak pernah org mintak maaf kat aku sebelum ni, so x taula.."
"Ikhlas ke ko ni??"
"Bukan salah ko pun…aku pun x rasa aku salah"
"Apa2 jerlah…nasib baik ko sedar salah ko"
etc
What fucking-arrogant attitude was that?

Ok, so what do I do with these people. The 1st type..everything turn back to how as it was. in a win-win situation, we live happily ever after, and never mentioned what happened back then, assuming it was a scar that mended our relationship much closer now.
BUt for those in 2nd type…..I paid more attention,and prepared to get hurt by this people for the consecutive time. Of course after the apologizing session-I still gave him/her the 2nd,3rd,4th, or dah tak taula brapa banyak chance lagi. For different people I set different limits. Sampai dalam hati aku cakap "dah x tahan lagi dah..With people of 2nd type, its always win-lose situation, with me constantly in the "losing" side.

What people usually aware is that , when I reacted in those action, I am stated as "the degil person of the year". "Lupakan je la mi, tak baik gaduh2 ni"..why do they said that to me? According to some people I knew, they tend to ask me to resolve the argument because I am more "approachable". I dont know whether I should take that as a compliment, or as something else.

What people usually DONT AWARE is the fact that ..before I reacted in those action to people of the 2nd type, I actually had said sorry to them and forgive them one too many times, until eventually they step on my head. People tend to see I hate them..what they usually dont really see is how hurted I am due to the injury he/she inflicted.Once this person "pijak my kepala" , that’s my limit. For this people, I decided it is an useless effort to mend things back, if he/she didnt aware about "their part of the mistake"

So..basically I’m telling the world out there..I actually (if any of you still didnt know, or didn’t remember) had ask for an apolog(ies) many times with him…started a new point of relationship too many times….and try to forget things he/she done too many times too.

Believe me or not, he/she never done the same thing to me, even for one single time…..

I dont like to be involved in an argument. So I decide to play it cold (not cool) with him/her. Until he/she step forward..there is really no use for me trying to mend the things back, because in the end..the ugly cycle will continue itself. I will still get hurt, and he/she will still be ignorant. Waiting sometimes is good. I’ve experimented it myself. And when we wait, and when he/she realized how hurtful things are during period of waiting, they will appreciate the relationship more…and not treat it like some kind of garbage.

I’m standing firm on this matter. I’ve aplogized for many mistakes that I didnt even make, and now I decided it his/her turn to show his/her "sincerity" whether they still want this thing to mend over.

Perhaps the "me apologizing too many times" is my ultimate mistake………

This entry was posted on Monday, January 8th, 2007 at 12:16 pm and is filed under slipped out from my mind. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.