.:a sUdDeN sLiP:.

"Things had been quite chaotic this last few days…and for that..I deserve something NEW"

"The bag I am using now is a little bit old, since it had been in use since I was in 2nd year, plus several torn n tears here and there"

"My current bag colour is brown…like, who the hell is wearing brown anymore now??"

"My current bag is a sling bag, and with all the hand-thingeys Im having now, maybe a rug-sack would be a better choice"

"C’mon,…its only 1000 ruble, approximately RM 100++, its a good deal for this beauty, aight??"

"I havent wear a rug-sack for quite sometimes…"

"This looks like the okhrana uniform…maybe I can use it as camouflage to enter the hostel whenever I forgot to bring my student ID?"

"Its large…and I’m large…so it suits"

THE ABOVE MENTION STATEMENT IS MERELY A SELF-CONSOLING SESSIONS BETWEEN ME AND MY INNER SIDE..JUST TO JUSTIFY MY LATEST PURCHASING OF THIS RUG-SACK, WHICH I LOOOVE VERY MUCH (well, at least for now

After a thorough hours of thinking, accompanied by more than a few cups of warm milk & honey, tea, n sugar-laden cookies, I ultimately decided…

I AM NOT OPTING FOR THE SURGERY !!

well, not yet..

I will need this hand of mine to study, copy notes, write test, and cook (so I can feed myself while reading) for the upcoming exam. So, the prospect of surgery which will render my hand useless for 3 months plus a complimentary stay in the hospital wards doesnt seems very promising for the near future..

Just to give you an idea of what they will do to my wrist (if I surrender and let them drug me), I attached this illustration I steal somewhere from the net..

It doesnt look hurt at all, does it ??

so..thats it, no surgery for me..but I will appreciate a complimentary prescription of Vicodyn for my chronic pain (I didnt just sound like Dr House, did I?? - nah..I am more irritating than him)

p/s : do u think the Soviet meds allow them to home-arrest me and then forcefully put me under gen anesthesia and cut me up for the sake of "humanity development of medicine"????

Today is amazing..I mean it, A-MAZING…

Had a crappy class for pediatrics where we managed NOT TO LEARN anything, I then head to the Hospital Complex for my appointment with the Otrhopedic..

Being the clumsy person I am, I lost my snow cap seconds before I started my journey to the upper hill of volgo, and yes, I end up climbing the hill (they really find a suitable place to build a hospital, with one-legged person climbing up the hill with their prothestic leg) with the chill winter winds blowing right onto my face..

Being told that I got a hjfoiaehighwipoj in my wrist joint and it can only be removed surgically, which will render my hand useless for the next two months (that is, if I opt for the operations)..

Then I walked downhill, again with the chill wind…

Arrived at my room, feel all headache, and with a runny nose..an hour later, the fever struck…

what do you do when you got a lost snowcap+nogneageaigi in your wrist joint + upcoming surgery + future useless right hand + upcoming exam + runny nose + sore throat + fever ??????

A CUP OF MUSHROOM SOUP and GOOD SONGS…it will, somehow, lighten the whole things I hope..

isnt life amazing???

I am pretty sure you didnt know I am wishing you Happy Birthday, and even went to that length where I actually bought a cake to celebrate this meaningful event, even without your presence..

It struck some people as weird, me celebrating an unnamed celebration, and like I had promised before, the nature of this event will never be told, for as long as this secret is safely kept.

Its bitter, and its sweet too.., the cake I mean, .its bittersweet i guess, and that…pretty much explained the whole thing..

For whatever reasons that might not be told here, I knew we could never talk again, particularly about this..

Thus, let it be a silent wishes of birthday from afar…

p/s: If some of you happen to read this (yes, I mean you), and guess that this post is dedicated to you, you can be assured that it IS NOT

DISCLAIMER : This story, or any of its part, -while the title did resemble it somehow - have nothing to do with the award-winning Brokeback mountain movies..

once upon a time, there’s live a guy in the deep isolated corner of the world. He’s one simple, down-to-earth guy who believes that he made up all the shit around him, and extremely well-known for his carelessness among the population of Volavola town..

one day, he went out from his little hiroshima-hut, stumbling his way around in the dark, cold morning of Volavola winter. Being the careless guy he is, he didnt give a shit whether its dark, and whether its safe for him to walk alone…

…its an ice-layered, slippery road in the Volavola village, and poor the guy didnt aware of it ..(or he did know, but just couldnt see what coming next)…and before he knew it……….

BAM!!!!

oh, we forgot to mention the guy - as clumsy as he is - actually determined to be a surgeon. He did have his medical training sometime ago within his long, complicated life history. So while limping naturally like a beaten dog, he actually managed to sustain himself from further injury and administer a self first-aid procedure..

he visited the nearest healer to improvise his condition - who happen to be his teacher. Guess what the teacher said? " hah, I know you would coming back!!!"..

  waiting for the X-ray examination …where his guru will look past the physical boundary of cell membrane, and visualise the inner structure of our poor guy’s broken hand…

and so, after several consultations, the guru decided that the guy wrist joint had a microfracture, complicated with a partial dislocation…

after several eventful trial of manual repositioning, -where the guru using hand skill, trying to reposition the guy’s wrist, who screamed with agony since the guru didnt even want to wait till the local anesthesia take effect- our poor guy ended up in this elastic bandage…

…chin up, he walked back to his Volavola village, went into his hiro-hut, and settle down beneath the safety if his blanket..wishing that this is all just a bad dream..

..he just didnt know that when he wake up, the bandage will still be there, smiling at him, reminding him of how ruthless the day before had been

- THE END OF A CRAP STORY PARt 1-

Songs : "Ache" by James Carrington

Isn’t it strange, the way things can change

Life that you lead, turned on its head

suddenly someone, means more than you felt for

house in its yard, turns into home.

Sorry but I meant to say, many things along the way, this ones for you.


The cold winter breeze seeps in between the windows cleft, and I found myself grasping the blanket more and snug beneath it..hoping that somehow, it will warm me up..

Have I told you I ache, have I told you I ache,

Have I told you I ache, for you…

The night seems a little bit merciful to me. I guess she dare not to left me in total darkness, and for that, she goes agaisnt all odds..and outside the window, the winter night is not as merely dark as it had been for the past few days. Somehow I can see the night sky, illuminated by the north rays.

Have I told you I ache, have I told you I ache,

have I told you I ache, for you…

I never meant to cross the line, for all I hope is for someone that can warm me up. And believe me when I said I really pull my heart away from it, as I know, this will lead only to a bad road…for I have travelled far, and I have felt every deceitful turn, and the excruciating pain of being loss alone..

The time that it took, writing words for my book, seems to have broken off

the gate that I shot,

last time I got hurt

seems to have opened itself

oh what its spinnin now,

its tryna catch me up

tell me to appriciate, here and now

I’m sorry but I meant to say

many things along the way

this ones for you.

and so, when you open your eyes, and looked at me in the eyes, as if I am a total stranger..I understood at once, my time had come. Our time had past. Those moments that we cherished together was far behind, and now I shall retreat and give you the space you demanded.

Have I told you i ache, Have i told you i ache, have i told you i ache, for you…

Have I told you i ache, Have i told you i ache, have i told you i ache, for you… 

Rubbing my hand and feet together, I wish for a piece of warmth, a little leftover that you might had accidentally forgot to bring away with you..

..I grasp the cold blanket some more, pulling it higher..

Heh, this is a kudos to a member of "our inner circle"

a very Happy Birthday to you…may He grants all your wishes along the course of life

keep fabulos!!!

Volgograd have got an early snowfall this winter..
I remembered last time we only had snow by early february. Its November now, and the temperature already crashed down till -5 few days back, but irregularly increase back and down within -5 to +5, which makes me feel a little sick..

the 1st years, as usual are freaking happy and overexcited to taste their first snow, only to hate them the next day when it all got muddy and slippery down the road..

and yeah, I already had my annual winter-slip..this time it happen just down the road from Hiroshima, and  it left my left ass felt numb the whole day long..

Happy fall-ing!!!!!

To one of my bestest friend..

Happy Birthday Izat!!!!..may life full of sweetness ahead…

p/s: Germany is only a call away